"Soul Mates":

Myth or Reality?

I recently asked several people if they believe that soul mates are real or mythical. I was surprised to find that the majority were convinced that soul mates are real.  Of course, without a precise definition, it is difficult to know what people consider to be a "soul mate." One definition I found in Wikipedia is that, "a soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility." Unfortunately, this definition may qualify quite a few people throughout our life as soul mates. The notion I carry, and I assume many of you do as well, is that a soul mate is a unique person who is mysteriously designated for me, fulfilling my life and making it complete. With this definition in mind, I ask you to consider my quest to find the answer to this intriguing question.

In the (Australian) winter of 1987, I met someone whom I believed to be my perfect mate. She later became my wife. I had no concept of "soul mate" at that time, but when I saw her everything inside of me said "YES!" We had a brief courtship before I proposed to her. Even though she accepted, I sensed that she was not feeling the same  devotion for me as I had for her.

This intuition proved to be true. Four months later, on a trip to the vast region of Western Australia, she left me for another man. I was devastated, hurt and disoriented. For several days I could not trust myself to safely cross the street because of the depth of depression I found myself in.

After she left, I was alone in my Nissan van, sleeping and camping wherever I pulled up for the night. I travelled along the remote north west Australian coastline. It is one of the most isolated coastal areas in the world. To the west and south lie thousands of miles of unbroken ocean stretching to Africa and Antarctica. To the east is nearly two thousand miles of barren dessert and wilderness. Nothing is north until one reaches the wild Indonesian archipelago. I was as alone as I could possibly be. 

One evening I built a camp in the sand dunes on a beautiful beach. That night I cooked  my favorite camp fire meal - Japanese pizza. It was a simple recipe made by lightly frying shredded cabbage and carrot, mixed with egg, flour and garlic. After the delicious meal, I grabbed my book Illusions – The Adventures of the Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach (as the name suggests it is about seeing through the illusions of many things we consider real). I loved this book and couldn't put it down.

I was sleepless that night due to the pain I was experiencing, but as I looked up at the brilliant starry night sky all of the chatter in my mind slowly fell away revealing a deep insight as it whispered to me.

I realized that the woman I thought was my soul mate was not the cause of my depression. The unbearable emotional pain came from my desire that she be different from whom she was. This was a devastating and yet liberating realization. The lofty and romantic ideal of finding my soul mate and living happily ever after, I realized, was coming from a controlling and selfish place in me. That night a huge weight lifted from my soul. But I still wondered if there was indeed a soul mate whom I was destined to meet?

During the next fourteen years I had one serious relationship followed by a decade where I did not have any relationships at all. For much of the time, I was confused and disillusioned. I wanted to figure out the mystery of relationship. Were soul mates fact or fiction? During this time of abstinence, I reflected upon my experience and met others–friends, teachers, mentors–who helped shed light on this subtle question.

I became aware of how many people, like myself, expend enormous energy in hoping the perfect mate will one day appear and take care of all of their needs. By the time I reached my late forties, I had found answers to many of the questions that had plagued me since that fateful day twenty years earlier when my first wife left me. I was ready to be with a woman again, but in a different way. I did not need her to fulfill my needs and wants. Self-reliance was the greatest gift I could give and receive in a relationship. I  knew that my "soul mate" would be someone who was free to be herself and live her destiny and give me the freedom to do the same.

Finally, six years ago I met my current wife Jessica. I consider her my "life mate." We are partners whose bond is wrought from shared values. Remembering to respect each other's talents, beauty and gifts is the commitment that keeps the bond between us vital. Years of pondering this question had revealed the futility of believing that there was a uniquely designated other who would make me whole. Instead, I began to realize that a "mate for the soul" can only be found once we know who we are and are complete in ourselves. Then we are ready to commit, to be open and honest, allowing each other's fullest potentials to flower.

In my life coaching I encourage clients to take responsibility and become whole in themselves – to emerge as creators of their own destiny. This transforms all your relationships in unimaginable ways.

Click here for a Free Coaching Session or 50 Power Questions.

Please forward to your friends and invite them to join my blog posts or discussions.

Stay Strong!

Laurie

(c) copyright 2010

I have a good friend in Australia whose son was recently diagnosed with diabetes. Initially he was devastated. He, himself, has been an example of strength and fitness all his life. He raised his family on an ethic of respect for fitness and health and has two strapping boys and a healthy strong wife. So the news that one of his boys has diabetes forced a reckoning in their lives, to never , ever take life, strength and health for granted.

As a school teacher I come across many students with diabetes. While a few of them are, like my friend's son in Australia, examples of fitness and vitality, the majority are not. Many have obesity problems, low energy and are extremely unmotivated to manage their disease. This shocked me.

Given the enormous amount of information and education around diabetes on how to manage or prevent it, I am struck dumb by the way people flirt with their strength and vitality. Many become overweight and weak, then are prone to UNNECESSARY diseases, such as diabetes.

The other, often forgotten piece to this UNNECESSARY nightmare, is the high financial cost to not only the victims and their families, but also to the  nation as a whole. It is estimated that the current national medical bill to maintain, treat and regulate diabetes annually is in the vicinity of between $92 billion to $112 billion.

In the light of recent world disasters such as the devastation in Haiti from an earthquake, or the ongoing poverty in Africa and China the planet's medical bill is looking more and more unmanageable. Given how vast a problem the next generation is facing in terms of health alone, I cannot but reflect on how much each one of us, alone, has a responsibility to change things at the micro or personal level, in order to affect change in the macro or system level.

You alone must make the difference. We no longer have the luxury of waiting for someone else to change the way things are. Each one of us must become a revolutionary in our own lives, changing poor and costly habits. Take your health into your own hands, manage it as best as you can, look for and get support from others, and we can start to turn things around.

There is no time. Start now.

Stay Strong,

Lawrence

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I was driving to Boston along the Mass Pike to attend a Team Beachbody coaching conference when I popped in my ipod to the radio receiver to listen to a podcast. It was called Fitness Rocks. The announcer, Dr. Monty has a mission  to change the health and fitness of the world.  He interviews various scientists, doctors and health professionals about the current health crisis. Monty has a curious mind and pulls out some subtle distinctions that helped me appreciate the extremity of the calamity we face as a nation  through ill health.

Speaking to one Doctor from Stanford University, Monty mentioned that the younger generation today will suffer from heart disease, diabetes and brain disorders at earlier ages than ever before in human history because we have created a toxic environment for ourselves.

At first I thought he meant from polluted air and water, but it was much closer and more insidious than that. It was from the choices we are making every day. We are actually creating a toxic environment based on  the activites we choose, and the food we decide to consume.

This toxic environment is supported in gross and subtle ways by the media, the food industry, the pharmaceutical industry and even the Health Industry! But, despite all of these influential and powerful groups trying to woo or sway us to adopt toxic habits, in the end you and I have the power to say "no". We have the ultimate power. We can make different choices.

Now before I go further, I want you to know that, like Dr Monty, I am passionate about helping people regain their vibrance and thrive at all levels – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have a unique life coaching system to help people achieve success in all of these dimensions in order to go forward to achieve their goals (more info).

In this blog I will make some suggestions for you about the choices I have tried that work regarding nutrition. I mean really work based on my own results. There is a plethora of choices out there. They range from those that work wonders  to  out right deceptions.

There are at least 4 dimensions you need to adopt to regain a strong core foundation and clean up the toxic habits that you may have started. This includes eating right, exercise, not smoking and weight management. Each places signifcant life-enhancing, or life-detracting choices in your own hands. Shockingly, their research showed a mere 3% of the nation lived within the zone of all 4 indicators, that is: were non smokers; within the right mass body index for their height, gender and age; eating at least 5 servings of fruit or vegetables daily; and working out at a moderate level 3-6 times per week for 1/2 an hour. Only 3% of people are following these 4 simple steps to create more opportunities to grow old gracefully and relatively free from pain and chronic disorders. 3%!

I want to look at one dimension with you today in this blog – nutrition. Nutrition is foundational to your longevity, daily vibrance, sustained energy flows and freedom from pain.

Are you or your friends and family eating the right food, every day? Are you creating a toxic waste dump inside your bodies for fats, sugars, and low return calories? Are you eating foods which don't sustain your energy throughout the day?

What if I said to you that within a few days you would notice a completely new and energized feeling if you started to change your eating habits? Would you believe it? Would you care? Would you be grateful to know you have a choice? Would it help you to have a way to get your family  on the right nutritional track? Would you put it off to the future? Would you be skeptical?

I want you to consider changing your perspective on food as a precursor to changing your food. Consider the truth of the research that your children, or their children, are likely to have their first heart attack in their twenties instead of their forties or fifties. This is primarily  based on their food and exercise habits – not genetic. While genetics plays a role in all of this, it is important to understand that our main genetic disposition, that has helped us survive for 100 000 years as a species, depended upon food and exercise as essential components for you to function healthily.

What is the right food? Fruit and vegetables are essential components for your body. They are not always cheap or easy to get but they are worth the cost and effort to include within your diet. You may pay some extra for good food, but, and this is important, you will pay the price for cheap, bad food as you grow older. And that price is getting more and more expensive every year.

 As a busy professional and dedicated to becoming and staying fit I have researched food extensively to find the right sources to remain energetic and vibrant throughout my day. I start with a big breakfast incorporating protein and complex carbohydrates (usually eggs (as I am vegetarian) on multi grain toast). See my article on big breakfasts for more details.

One amazing source of protein, vegetables, fruit, digestive enzymes, minerals and probiotics I have come across is shakeology. It has simplified my daily search for fruits and vegetables as in this one drink alone I get more fruit and vegetable servings than I could ever eat in a day. My energy and vitality has increased remarkably and the price is comparable to one latte per day! As I use it to replace one meal every day it ends up being truly economical.

 As a TBB coach  I do receive a commission from people who buy it from my website, but I only recommend it to you because it is of the highest nutritional value you will come across.

Stay Strong,

Laurie

More details

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