C O R E Strength » Mind – Health and Strength

Bridging the Virtual Gap: The Challenge for 21st Century Teenagers

lawrence — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:05:34 +0000

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Are you challenged by modern day teens? OR are you a teen YOURSELF? In either case, you will probably recognize something of your experience in the following story:

Sixteen year-old Leah and her mother are sitting at the dinner table. Each is reading her emails on hand-held devices. Every time an email arrives it announces itself by pings and pops that punctuate the silence. The blue light from the screen lights up the whites of their eyes giving them an eerie glow as they fervently read scraps of gossip from the latest sender. The mother looks up. Her eyes squint into a frown as she blurts a question in a commanding tone, “Leah can you do the dishes? It’s your turn and you have missed the last three times.” No reply. Leah’s head is fixated on her iphone, her fingers furiously texting. Her earphones complete her isolation as they block out all sound under eight-five decibels. She is perfectly unreachable. Almost. Only physical contact can break the spell of her impermeable shield from reality. She's in a virtual empire where she reigns supreme. Her mother taps her on the shoulder to gain her attention. “Fuck, don’t molest me, you retard” Leah snaps at her mother. “Wait till I tell my therapist you hit me again!” Leah's mother’s mind races, fearing that her daughter will do something irrational. Inside of ten seconds Leah places her iphone in front of her mother’s face, snapping a photo and then uploading it to Facebook with the words “My mother sucks! She hit me again.” The mother’s photo has been instantly sent to 1500 “friends.” Her simple request has suddenly evaporated into an emotional maelstrom made public. Perplexed, the mother stares helplessly at this strange creature, her daughter, and sighs.

I am guessing that many of you who know or work with teenagers, or indeed are teenagers yourself, may recognize some of the familiar issues in this scenario. In my fifteen years working with teens as a High School Teacher and Life Coach I often encounter over one hundred students a day, many in various situations like Leah's. I have witnessed social changes that have required me to consider deeply the challenges teens face and where they are at.

Several key issues I've identified in trying to help teens include: a difficulty to communicate their needs non-violently; over-dependence on virtual relationships; poor health; and a confused morality which includes their inability to take responsibility. Teenagers today have been armed with a variety of reasons for their issues, from ADHD to obesity to anger management issues. These are often used as excuses for not having to take responsibility for their behaviors and actions. Not only that, but doctors, behaviorists and various professional studies point to quick fixes such as medication as convenient solutions over more painstaking, slow but real and effective routes to deal with complex social issues. Common sense is often belittled or even lost altogether.

As a Life Coach and a cutting-edge High School educator my mission is to empower and help teenagers tap their creative spirit to become healthy and robust leaders and pioneers of the twenty-first century. To do this I am bridging a gap between two worlds. The first world is the virtual one where teens (and now parents and teachers) are absorbed into electronic social connections and entertainment, often at the expense of deeper relationships with others. The second world is real where communication and relationship come first, and the consequences a teen’s actions have on themselves and those around them become apparent.

The results are powerful. I encourage teens to:

Wake up
Embrace responsibility
Tap into the intrinsic qualities of their potentials for leadership and self reliance
Replace the words "Whatever!" with "What more can I do?"

The “cool” virtual heroes they once admired begin to look superficial and ridiculous, whereas their real-life mentors suddenly become human, wise and caring.

Reclaiming the real is the first step to a saner future, don't you think?

For more information on CORE Strength Life Coaching click here

Sink and Think (TM): Fostering Curiosity and Managing ADHD in the Classroom

lawrence — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 22:15:08 +0000

I have been meditating for twenty five years. It is a daily ritual as important to me as sleeping and eating the right food. One metaphor to describe meditation is to imagine you are looking at your thoughts as if they are clouds drifting across the sky. These thoughts may be troubling or pleasant. When you let something that is troubling you be like a cloud in the sky—neither good nor bad—you allow yourself to become free from the intense emotions surrounding these problems. In the process, you become more open to being creative, alert, sensitive and flexible. When you practice meditation, you allow yourself to have many new experiences because you are overcoming things that normally bother you. Meditation is a challenging practice, but well worth developing for this reason and many others.

Several months ago an idea came to me as I was meditating. I teach math at a local high school in the Berkshires of Western, Massachusetts, USA. If you yourself have recently visited a high school, you know the chaos that ensues when one period is over and the next is about to begin. All the students simultaneously erupt into an energetic cacophony as they move to their next class. At the beginning of each of my math classes, the students enter the room, loud, boisterous, and oblivious to me and the classroom environment.

In my meditation, I saw a vision of my students sitting quietly for five minutes at the beginning of my lessons. Could this really work?

The next day I tried it out with my ninth, tenth and twelfth graders. I asked my students to come into the room, take their books out and simply sit there quietly. I insisted this was their time to do nothing. No expectations were put on them at all. They had this time to simply arrive and relax. I emphasized that they could not interfere with any other student in the process. Everybody was entitled to this “down time,” to tune into their needs and feelings so as to refresh before starting a new lesson with a new teacher and peers.

After some experimentation, it soon became obvious that five minutes was too long for some students - especially those with ADHD, ADD. Many of these students found silence and stillness uncomfortable. I knew from my own meditation experience, that the effort to be still and silent is one that’s worth making because of the benefits it brings. Even short periods of stopping and being silent are powerful pivot points to change the dynamics of stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety are the number one causes for preventing creativity and curiosity in the classroom!

I call this student meditation time “Sink and Think.™” I modified it to one minute. Sometimes in a very natural way it extends beyond one minute. Since I introduced Sink and Think™ two months ago, my students now look forward to and appreciate this quiet time. Amazingly, chatting, goofing around and roaming eyes have all been superseded by a still, silent and curious class of students. Within 30 seconds there is pin drop silence. We can hear other classes in the distance, the ticking of the clock on the wall and the thoughts bouncing around inside our own heads. Students either have closed eyes, soft gazes, or they just watch me, anticipating what will come next.

Since introducing Sink and Think™, I have noticed dramatic shifts in the way students respond in the classroom. It has also changed my teaching style in a way I could never have imagined. The students themselves describe the experience in ways that are striking. They say: “the chaos settles”; “I feel peaceful as I enter the room”; “I am not overwhelmed when I start to work”; “I am curious what the lesson will be”; “I took 3 seconds off my personal best by meditating before the swim meet”… and the list goes on. This has become a modality I’m now implementing as part of my CORE Strength™ for Students approach to teaching.

Sink and Think™, has been a transformative classroom experience. It has impacted both me and my students, revealing the intrinsic value that silence brings. Respect, care, curiosity, creativity, self-confidence and self-management are just a few. Perhaps the most remarkable thing I have noticed is that students who suffer from ADHD are notably much calmer and more attentive throughout the entire period. The students’ natural curiosity arises, as they connect with their own inner desire to listen and discover.

Please forward this to a friend, teacher or student you know.

Stay Strong

Lawrence Carroll

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Stay Strong

Lawrence Carroll

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“Soul Mates”: Myth or Reality?

lawrence — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 03:28:48 +0000

"Soul Mates":

Myth or Reality?

I recently asked several people if they believe that soul mates are real or mythical. I was surprised to find that the majority were convinced that soul mates are real. Of course, without a precise definition, it is difficult to know what people consider to be a "soul mate." One definition I found in Wikipedia is that, "a soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility." Unfortunately, this definition may qualify quite a few people throughout our life as soul mates. The notion I carry, and I assume many of you do as well, is that a soul mate is a unique person who is mysteriously designated for me, fulfilling my life and making it complete. With this definition in mind, I ask you to consider my quest to find the answer to this intriguing question.

In the (Australian) winter of 1987, I met someone whom I believed to be my perfect mate. She later became my wife. I had no concept of "soul mate" at that time, but when I saw her everything inside of me said "YES!" We had a brief courtship before I proposed to her. Even though she accepted, I sensed that she was not feeling the same devotion for me as I had for her.

This intuition proved to be true. Four months later, on a trip to the vast region of Western Australia, she left me for another man. I was devastated, hurt and disoriented. For several days I could not trust myself to safely cross the street because of the depth of depression I found myself in.

After she left, I was alone in my Nissan van, sleeping and camping wherever I pulled up for the night. I travelled along the remote north west Australian coastline. It is one of the most isolated coastal areas in the world. To the west and south lie thousands of miles of unbroken ocean stretching to Africa and Antarctica. To the east is nearly two thousand miles of barren dessert and wilderness. Nothing is north until one reaches the wild Indonesian archipelago. I was as alone as I could possibly be.

One evening I built a camp in the sand dunes on a beautiful beach. That night I cooked my favorite camp fire meal - Japanese pizza. It was a simple recipe made by lightly frying shredded cabbage and carrot, mixed with egg, flour and garlic. After the delicious meal, I grabbed my book Illusions – The Adventures of the Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach (as the name suggests it is about seeing through the illusions of many things we consider real). I loved this book and couldn't put it down.

I was sleepless that night due to the pain I was experiencing, but as I looked up at the brilliant starry night sky all of the chatter in my mind slowly fell away revealing a deep insight as it whispered to me.

I realized that the woman I thought was my soul mate was not the cause of my depression. The unbearable emotional pain came from my desire that she be different from whom she was. This was a devastating and yet liberating realization. The lofty and romantic ideal of finding my soul mate and living happily ever after, I realized, was coming from a controlling and selfish place in me. That night a huge weight lifted from my soul. But I still wondered if there was indeed a soul mate whom I was destined to meet?

During the next fourteen years I had one serious relationship followed by a decade where I did not have any relationships at all. For much of the time, I was confused and disillusioned. I wanted to figure out the mystery of relationship. Were soul mates fact or fiction? During this time of abstinence, I reflected upon my experience and met others–friends, teachers, mentors–who helped shed light on this subtle question.

I became aware of how many people, like myself, expend enormous energy in hoping the perfect mate will one day appear and take care of all of their needs. By the time I reached my late forties, I had found answers to many of the questions that had plagued me since that fateful day twenty years earlier when my first wife left me. I was ready to be with a woman again, but in a different way. I did not need her to fulfill my needs and wants. Self-reliance was the greatest gift I could give and receive in a relationship. I knew that my "soul mate" would be someone who was free to be herself and live her destiny and give me the freedom to do the same.

Finally, six years ago I met my current wife Jessica. I consider her my "life mate." We are partners whose bond is wrought from shared values. Remembering to respect each other's talents, beauty and gifts is the commitment that keeps the bond between us vital. Years of pondering this question had revealed the futility of believing that there was a uniquely designated other who would make me whole. Instead, I began to realize that a "mate for the soul" can only be found once we know who we are and are complete in ourselves. Then we are ready to commit, to be open and honest, allowing each other's fullest potentials to flower.

In my life coaching I encourage clients to take responsibility and become whole in themselves – to emerge as creators of their own destiny. This transforms all your relationships in unimaginable ways.

Click here for a Free Coaching Session or 50 Power Questions.

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Stay Strong!

Laurie

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Do you know someone with diabetes? Then show them this post..

lawrence — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 17:54:15 +0000

I have a good friend in Australia whose son was recently diagnosed with diabetes. Initially he was devastated. He, himself, has been an example of strength and fitness all his life. He raised his family on an ethic of respect for fitness and health and has two strapping boys and a healthy strong wife. So the news that one of his boys has diabetes forced a reckoning in their lives, to never , ever take life, strength and health for granted.

As a school teacher I come across many students with diabetes. While a few of them are, like my friend's son in Australia, examples of fitness and vitality, the majority are not. Many have obesity problems, low energy and are extremely unmotivated to manage their disease. This shocked me.

Given the enormous amount of information and education around diabetes on how to manage or prevent it, I am struck dumb by the way people flirt with their strength and vitality. Many become overweight and weak, then are prone to UNNECESSARY diseases, such as diabetes.

The other, often forgotten piece to this UNNECESSARY nightmare, is the high financial cost to not only the victims and their families, but also to the nation as a whole. It is estimated that the current national medical bill to maintain, treat and regulate diabetes annually is in the vicinity of between $92 billion to $112 billion.

In the light of recent world disasters such as the devastation in Haiti from an earthquake, or the ongoing poverty in Africa and China the planet's medical bill is looking more and more unmanageable. Given how vast a problem the next generation is facing in terms of health alone, I cannot but reflect on how much each one of us, alone, has a responsibility to change things at the micro or personal level, in order to affect change in the macro or system level.

You alone must make the difference. We no longer have the luxury of waiting for someone else to change the way things are. Each one of us must become a revolutionary in our own lives, changing poor and costly habits. Take your health into your own hands, manage it as best as you can, look for and get support from others, and we can start to turn things around.

There is no time. Start now.

Stay Strong,

Lawrence

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