C O R E Strength » Perspectives

Bridging the Virtual Gap: The Challenge for 21st Century Teenagers

lawrence — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:05:34 +0000

Are youA

Are you challenged by modern day teens? OR are you a teen YOURSELF? In either case, you will probably recognize something of your experience in the following story:

Sixteen year-old Leah and her mother are sitting at the dinner table. Each is reading her emails on hand-held devices. Every time an email arrives it announces itself by pings and pops that punctuate the silence. The blue light from the screen lights up the whites of their eyes giving them an eerie glow as they fervently read scraps of gossip from the latest sender. The mother looks up. Her eyes squint into a frown as she blurts a question in a commanding tone, “Leah can you do the dishes? It’s your turn and you have missed the last three times.” No reply. Leah’s head is fixated on her iphone, her fingers furiously texting. Her earphones complete her isolation as they block out all sound under eight-five decibels. She is perfectly unreachable. Almost. Only physical contact can break the spell of her impermeable shield from reality. She's in a virtual empire where she reigns supreme. Her mother taps her on the shoulder to gain her attention. “Fuck, don’t molest me, you retard” Leah snaps at her mother. “Wait till I tell my therapist you hit me again!” Leah's mother’s mind races, fearing that her daughter will do something irrational. Inside of ten seconds Leah places her iphone in front of her mother’s face, snapping a photo and then uploading it to Facebook with the words “My mother sucks! She hit me again.” The mother’s photo has been instantly sent to 1500 “friends.” Her simple request has suddenly evaporated into an emotional maelstrom made public. Perplexed, the mother stares helplessly at this strange creature, her daughter, and sighs.

I am guessing that many of you who know or work with teenagers, or indeed are teenagers yourself, may recognize some of the familiar issues in this scenario. In my fifteen years working with teens as a High School Teacher and Life Coach I often encounter over one hundred students a day, many in various situations like Leah's. I have witnessed social changes that have required me to consider deeply the challenges teens face and where they are at.

Several key issues I've identified in trying to help teens include: a difficulty to communicate their needs non-violently; over-dependence on virtual relationships; poor health; and a confused morality which includes their inability to take responsibility. Teenagers today have been armed with a variety of reasons for their issues, from ADHD to obesity to anger management issues. These are often used as excuses for not having to take responsibility for their behaviors and actions. Not only that, but doctors, behaviorists and various professional studies point to quick fixes such as medication as convenient solutions over more painstaking, slow but real and effective routes to deal with complex social issues. Common sense is often belittled or even lost altogether.

As a Life Coach and a cutting-edge High School educator my mission is to empower and help teenagers tap their creative spirit to become healthy and robust leaders and pioneers of the twenty-first century. To do this I am bridging a gap between two worlds. The first world is the virtual one where teens (and now parents and teachers) are absorbed into electronic social connections and entertainment, often at the expense of deeper relationships with others. The second world is real where communication and relationship come first, and the consequences a teen’s actions have on themselves and those around them become apparent.

The results are powerful. I encourage teens to:

Wake up
Embrace responsibility
Tap into the intrinsic qualities of their potentials for leadership and self reliance
Replace the words "Whatever!" with "What more can I do?"

The “cool” virtual heroes they once admired begin to look superficial and ridiculous, whereas their real-life mentors suddenly become human, wise and caring.

Reclaiming the real is the first step to a saner future, don't you think?

For more information on CORE Strength Life Coaching click here

Exploring the Shadow

lawrence — Sun, 29 May 2011 00:36:18 +0000

Exploring the shadow is some of the most interesting and empowering work you can do in Life Coaching. Your shadow is roughly defined as that part of your psyche that you are most likely to repress or avoid. A few of the emotions related to your shadow are fear, anger, frustration, depression or confusion. You may find yourself struggling with these feelings. But, rather than explore what is present within, you will repress or even deny them. Repression can, and often does, become an unconscious habit.

What parts of your shadow do you fear and avoid most? Weakness? Lack of self worth? Greed? Jealousy? What have you pushed back into your unconscious? Whatever that is, it is a part of your shadow.

As long as you are not facing your shadow you will eventually, in some form or other, act out of it. When you act out of the shadow you start to sabotage your success, your relationships and your happiness. You do not have to go back far in history to witness the tragic fall of individuals, and even nations, as a result of acting from their shadow - Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Lance Armstrong and the Holocaust to name a few.

What do you hide from? What sabotages your life? How can you explore your shadow safely?

Life Coaching helps you explore your shadow to:

Release blockages
Surface and make fears transparent
Expedite transformation
Create natural openings in which to call out your power

Shining a light upon your shadow is a miraculous and healing process that lightens you up and empowers you. I recently wrote a blog called Healing the Isms Between Us. I recommend you read this blog to see one example of the healing power of working with your shadow.

To explore your shadow contact me for a complimentary session or write to find out more information on this work today.

Inspired by my own work on the shadow, I wrote the following poem. I hope it inspires you in your journey. I would love to hear your comments!

My Shadow

The match sparks against its box.

Engulfing oxygen, igniting with a roar

That would deafen those with smaller ears

Light and shadow are born. I can see.

Shadows are dancing around, morphing into demons

With unpredictable delight

in the primordial light,

this night.

In its dying moments the match passes its light onto the candle.

A new light is born.

But the shadows remain.

They beckon me with their gyrations

and impossible ballet leaps.

More nimble than Najinsky,

faster than Ali,

they do everything for me to look, to notice.

When I gaze deeply I see lost souls

wanting company.

Wanting acknowledgement.

Wanting to be seen.

I see their happiness at being noticed

“Finally, you see me” they sigh soundlessly.

Their dance continues to every flicker of the flame, no matter how slight.

Tirelessly expressing their story

Pain, exile, being ignored and rejected

Lost deep within the prison I have built for them.

Other shadows dance on my periphery

Mutely Screaming out for attention

They too want to be known and understood.

How many shadows do I have?

How do I notice you all?

What do you want from me?

I turn and face the new shadows

They too have their unique form

Their mournful plea.

Their story.

The silent dancing concerto

Plays deep into the night

And more deeply into my soul.

I am afraid. Uncertain.

Pffff! In one breath

I extinguish the light.

Everything is dark.

The shadow is one – everywhere.

One eternal shadow covers the universe –

Waiting…. patiently waiting

For the next light of awareness

That only I/you/we can light.

©CORE-Strength Life Coaching

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Sink and Think (TM): Fostering Curiosity and Managing ADHD in the Classroom

lawrence — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 22:15:08 +0000

I have been meditating for twenty five years. It is a daily ritual as important to me as sleeping and eating the right food. One metaphor to describe meditation is to imagine you are looking at your thoughts as if they are clouds drifting across the sky. These thoughts may be troubling or pleasant. When you let something that is troubling you be like a cloud in the sky—neither good nor bad—you allow yourself to become free from the intense emotions surrounding these problems. In the process, you become more open to being creative, alert, sensitive and flexible. When you practice meditation, you allow yourself to have many new experiences because you are overcoming things that normally bother you. Meditation is a challenging practice, but well worth developing for this reason and many others.

Several months ago an idea came to me as I was meditating. I teach math at a local high school in the Berkshires of Western, Massachusetts, USA. If you yourself have recently visited a high school, you know the chaos that ensues when one period is over and the next is about to begin. All the students simultaneously erupt into an energetic cacophony as they move to their next class. At the beginning of each of my math classes, the students enter the room, loud, boisterous, and oblivious to me and the classroom environment.

In my meditation, I saw a vision of my students sitting quietly for five minutes at the beginning of my lessons. Could this really work?

The next day I tried it out with my ninth, tenth and twelfth graders. I asked my students to come into the room, take their books out and simply sit there quietly. I insisted this was their time to do nothing. No expectations were put on them at all. They had this time to simply arrive and relax. I emphasized that they could not interfere with any other student in the process. Everybody was entitled to this “down time,” to tune into their needs and feelings so as to refresh before starting a new lesson with a new teacher and peers.

After some experimentation, it soon became obvious that five minutes was too long for some students - especially those with ADHD, ADD. Many of these students found silence and stillness uncomfortable. I knew from my own meditation experience, that the effort to be still and silent is one that’s worth making because of the benefits it brings. Even short periods of stopping and being silent are powerful pivot points to change the dynamics of stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety are the number one causes for preventing creativity and curiosity in the classroom!

I call this student meditation time “Sink and Think.™” I modified it to one minute. Sometimes in a very natural way it extends beyond one minute. Since I introduced Sink and Think™ two months ago, my students now look forward to and appreciate this quiet time. Amazingly, chatting, goofing around and roaming eyes have all been superseded by a still, silent and curious class of students. Within 30 seconds there is pin drop silence. We can hear other classes in the distance, the ticking of the clock on the wall and the thoughts bouncing around inside our own heads. Students either have closed eyes, soft gazes, or they just watch me, anticipating what will come next.

Since introducing Sink and Think™, I have noticed dramatic shifts in the way students respond in the classroom. It has also changed my teaching style in a way I could never have imagined. The students themselves describe the experience in ways that are striking. They say: “the chaos settles”; “I feel peaceful as I enter the room”; “I am not overwhelmed when I start to work”; “I am curious what the lesson will be”; “I took 3 seconds off my personal best by meditating before the swim meet”… and the list goes on. This has become a modality I’m now implementing as part of my CORE Strength™ for Students approach to teaching.

Sink and Think™, has been a transformative classroom experience. It has impacted both me and my students, revealing the intrinsic value that silence brings. Respect, care, curiosity, creativity, self-confidence and self-management are just a few. Perhaps the most remarkable thing I have noticed is that students who suffer from ADHD are notably much calmer and more attentive throughout the entire period. The students’ natural curiosity arises, as they connect with their own inner desire to listen and discover.

Please forward this to a friend, teacher or student you know.

Stay Strong

Lawrence Carroll

Click here for a special coaching session on How to Bring Meditation into your Classroom.

Stay Strong

Lawrence Carroll

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Healing the Isms Between Us

lawrence — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 21:07:05 +0000

Recently I spent a weekend in a "Coaching for Transformation" class with thirty-five of my life coach peers, mentors and teachers. We were in downtown New York on a spectacular Fall day. The topic we were exploring together was: coaching minorites in the light of racism, genderism, sexual orientation, ageism and other isms that tend to isolate or ostracize people. About half-way through the weekend, an African American woman mentor coach spoke up and said she felt that the real issue of racism was not being brought into the room in a way that was real. I was surprised at her vulnerability and passion. After what seemed a long silence, people voiced their agreements. The vast majority of the coaches in the room were white. The minorities in the group included one Asian, several Latinos and four African Americans.

Then someone suggested we coach each other on the issue. My heart began to pound as a voice from deep within me said "you are Australian and Australians are really racist."As no one else had volunteered, I shakily spoke up and said I would like to be coached about my racist tendencies. I was going in blind, not knowing what would be revealed in exploring this with my peers. Another African American woman, and recent friend I had met in the coaching group, volunteered to be the coach. I was nervous, as I intuited that my deepest fears and darkest secrets would soon be exposed to everyone. Little did I know what was about to unfold.

The woman was about my age. She trusted me implicitly and asked me to explore what it was that made me think I was racist. The terms and expressions from my childhood flooded through my awareness. I was afraid. She leaned forward and invited me to utter the expressions aloud to the hushed room of fellow peer and mentor coaches. I knew I could not do it. I faltered and broke down in tears feeling a deep spiritual pain of remorse. It was deeper than my own personal pain. I was looking at a woman who had spent a lifetime being ignored, under-valued, rejected and isolated because of the color of her skin. I felt deeply implicated and began to confess the myriad of "small" ways this prejudice plays itself out in my life as a school teacher in a school of many and varied minorites.

She and the teachers held the space in the room for everything to emerge safely in front of the group. The teachers vulnerably admitted that what had opened up in the room was new and they were not sure where to go from here. Our group had many other options to explore that day. Many had suffered from the wounds of prejudice based on gender, sexual orientation, racism and age. However the overwhelming consensus was to stay with what had opened up and to reverse the roles. One coach astutely pointed out that racism was less explored from the African-American viewpoint and so hearing from my friend would in fact take us all into deeper unknown territory. I would now coach my friend and peer so she could share her experience in order to move forward.

We broke for lunch and when we resumed I stepped into the coach's role. I found this challenging. Within minutes the depth of my friend's despair started to surface between us. My friend was facing the frustration of a lifetime in which she felt very little if any, real change in eradicating racism in this country. She recalled her painful experiences at school when her teachers could not conceive of an African-American student as successful. I floundered. I myself had not known this pain and despair, having grown up in Australia as a privileged white male. I felt awkward as I coached her in front of my peers.

As our coaching time together was coming to an end I fumbled to help my friend go forward. I made a request that she could accept, reject or modify. I asked her to reflect on her situation and come up with ways to move forward. To my surprise she unhesitatingly rejected it. "What? You want me to endure more?" I felt deeply embarrassed and unconscious of how deep her wounds were. I could only try to hold the space for her to explore her feelings and options. My teachers, like angels on my shoulders, guided us until the end. All I had to offer was my presence. I could not "fix" anything. It was too wide, too deep, too vast. At the end of our session my friend was deeply impacted and reflective. The miraclulous healing brought about through listening with an open heart was present between us.

Simultaneously, I felt an emotional schism between us. I felt my friend had shared a deeply personal wound that was the product of forces that existed before we were both born. I felt our conscious coaching had made the elephant in the room visible. The hidden forces of embedded conclusions and unconscious denial of racism had emerged between us and, it seemed to me, had pushed the whites and blacks into their colored corners. We had stepped out of our comfort zones and I could not imagine what would unfold from this spontaneous exploration.

When I returned to school the next day, I was acutely aware of the subtle ways prejudice was playing out within and around me. I embraced conversations with my minority students with heightened care and curiosity. I saw them blossom and open up to me in miraculous ways. Several spontaneously shared intimate facts of their life openly. It was as if they sensed the safety in my new-found awareness. On one occasion an African-American girl in one of my classes shared with me (and the class) that her mother helps her prepare to overcome anxiety in her tests. I felt very moved as she spoke. At some point I felt the presence of my friend from the day before enter the room. At first it was as if she was witnessing this moment with me. Then, quite unexpectedly, the young student seemed to look and sound like my friend. It was as if I was seeing her in front of me, as she had been at school four decades earlier.

Something mysterious happened that I alone bore witness to, and this was because my friend and I had dared to explore this painful ism on a sunny day in New York.

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